Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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