so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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