mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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