looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize