as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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