guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize