even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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