I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
