PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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