used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
