ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
