Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
