I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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