just tell him i said nine months
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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