What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
