drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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