Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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