Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
