hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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