Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
