I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
