I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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