Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
