No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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