Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
