Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
