The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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