You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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