wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
