Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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