Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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