I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
