I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
