she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
