he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
