you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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