a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
