my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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