i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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