I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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