No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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