please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
