I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
