Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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