Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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