I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize