Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
