i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
