i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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