i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
