3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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