You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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