On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
