It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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