YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
