Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
