I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize