i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
