Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
