so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
