the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
