Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
