we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
