3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
