Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize