you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
