dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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