Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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