you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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