and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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