i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
