Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize
