i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
