i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
